Wouldnt that be awesome- if it was just a phrase, an idea- some words that would open the doors on insight and instant understanding just like that? If you didnt have to go to Peru for ayahuasca, or read and re read every book by every new 'guru'- not to mention everything ever published on the areas of human psychology, metaphysics or self help. If all knowledge was innate and a couple of key words would make them readily available.
The idea of an instant cure is incredibly tempting.... Just around the corner- we truly believe- is the key. We crave it- we're obsessed with it.... one more book, one more class, one more degree, our soul mate, a possession, one more or less pound one more or less person in my life- a little more in my bank account- and then- Ill get it- everything will come together. From this vantage point my life will be manageable. All those feelings in the periphery of my consciousness will come to light and suddenly be absolved. Automatic enlightenment.
We're willing to go to incredible lengths and shell out millions of dollars for that next thing- that next big thing that will make it- whatever It is happen. Jumping from one thing to another. We'll go through hundreds of diet and self help books. Many people find valuable insight and grow and change and evolve and many more people will fail. For diets- theyll regain the weight and then more. Each failure loweringan individual's self worth even more further proving what was secretly believed all along- that I am (insert personal insult here) worthless/ will always be fat/ crazy/ depressed. Messages many have ingrained in consciousness since childhood.
But what if the very secret we're waiting for- never comes? What if it doesnt exist? What if- at the same time that we're so desperately searching self help books trying to find ourselves in yoga or the gym and loosing ourselves in movies and magazines- its all around us? In everything we do. In what were thinking as we do lunges in front of the gym mirror- shouting mental abuse for the size of our thighs or the weakness of our muscles or replaying an argument with a significant other or boss or family member? What if its what we choose to put in the plate in front of us- from the decadent cakes and pastries to the austerity of calorie restricted-lo carb-vegan-raw foodism? In the sneaky tablespoons of peanut butter, the voice in our head we try to quieten down by restricting or binging only to find it louder than ever before. What if everything we need to know about our beliefs on reality and existence as we know it happens in every tick, twitch, reaction to every event in our lives- every moment we're taught something new about ourselves, of that there is no doubt. The question is, are we listening?
Or do we drown it out with drugs, religion, alcohol, anger, food, excessive exercise or extreme austerity? Is the life thats happening right now so unbearable that anyone would willingly make it worse? All of our addictions only serve to intensify and amplify the emotions we're trying to mute. Addictions are violent obsessions. We only choose to obsess over things if we believe we cant handle reality and life as it is in this moment. But maybe the pain, the sorrow, the hurt just underneath that. Maybe feeling it wont completely unravel you- maybe it wont destroy you. Maybe experiencing your emotions is the key to your release. Maybe zen Buddhism isnt archaic- maybe they had it completely right when they said- 'its not about surpassing your own humanity- its about embracing it'. Fully.
(The old sculptures of the see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil monkeys didnt show the monkeys as you see them today- ears, eyes and mouth covered- hiding from evil- but rather scrambling in response to it....)
